Wednesday, 25 October 2023

The Shirt He Never Wore

Today marks exactly 2 months since dad rested. I had never  for a second imagined that one day I would wake up with a father on earth and go to bed, the same day, with the father in heaven. Like how can that happen? Anyway c'est  la vie.

Whenever I visited a new place, I loved to get either a shirt or pairs of shoes for dad. On 12th July, my birthday, I  visited a textile factory and I saw this beautiful "uhuru" shirt which I thought would look so good on dad. As was the norm, I got one for him.  I had intentions to travel home on 26th August so I thought,  maybe I should deliver it personally.  Then, on 25th August Boom! I get the shocking news that dad is gone. Gone gone,  never  to return. 

My siblings were gracious enough to allow for dad to be buried in that shirt. However, in the days leading to the burial, as I stared at the shirt, I wished dad had gotten to wear that shirt  because in heaven they don't wear shirts. Don't ask me what they wear. It pained me so much (it still does) that I delayed to deliver the shirt to him before his resting. I still imagine how good he would have looked in that pattern.

The Bible records in Psalm 90:12, David asks God  "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom". In the recent days as I have meditated on this verse, I have found myself  adding, " Lord teach me to number my days, and those of my loved ones, because I do not know how much time any of us have".



Truth is, earth is not our home we are just passers-by,  or sojourners  as some like to say it. Some will sojourn for longer than others. Death is a cruel monster who knows no courtesy. Tomorrow is not promised for you or any of your loved ones. The least  you  can do is to live well with people or as the famous quote says' Do the good you can for all the people you can, as long as you can.

One thing I find most comforting as I mourn dad, is he lived his life to the full. He touched every life he could, and to him it mattered not the age, gender or societal status.  It gave him so much fulfilment to see others happy and to help wherever and whenever he could. 

Last weekend as I attended another burial, the same message was preached. Sometimes we buy flowers, shirts and drive the dead in big expensive cars, gifts, and accolades  they never got to enjoy while they lived, just to soothe the conscience. The preacher emphasized the need to "Buy flowers, and gifts for the living, tell all the nice things to the living instead of writing them in the eulogy"

I didn't mean to make you sad, I just thought you could live your best life now and that today sounds like a good day to express your appreciation to your family and friends. We are on borrowed time. Tomorrow may be too late, just maybe.

Wednesday, 18 October 2023

Alone But Not Alone_ Reflections from Grief


After a long hiatus of 'running out of ink', today I decided to pick up my pen and test if it still writes after my "Inkdrops of Hope" book.  Well, not quite, I just thought dad would be happy to see me writing again. So here goes my attempt to make daddy in heaven proud while he watches and cheers on.

It is exactly 52 days since daddy rested abruptly and God knows how tough this season has been. I have daily wished I would wake up and find that it was just a dream that ends. Some days good as I remember the many lives he touched and shaped. Some days sad as I remember that I am alone facing this difficult, tough and unforgiving world. As I watched daddy go down the grave, I felt like I was on my own. "Me against the world" almost literally.

Reality dawned when everyone left the burial and went back to their respective homes. Silence engulfed our home and the birds also seemed to have gone on a break from chirping.

The weeks that followed the burial were an unwelcome reminder.  I realized we are cultured to avoid the grieving for fear that they may cry and we will not be sure what to do with them. With  time, I have learnt to perfect the art of putting myself together until I can get to the next available washroom where I can cry without making people around uncomfortable. It has worked well. But a shoulder to lean on is definitely better than a toilet seat. Well, I have had some shoulders and I am grateful for them, but probably we can do better at supporting the grieving. Not by avoiding them but by being closer, because grief is not contagious. Words may lack but sometimes presence is sufficient.

Grief has taught me that I have a father in heaven, who is actually my father's father. This has been the most comforting reality. A reminder from above that though alone, I am not alone. I have a  Father who art in heaven. I am slowly learning to ask God directly, the things that I would have asked dad. 

To anyone going through grief, I pray you find the comfort in knowing that though separated from your loved one physically, you are not on your own. Your Father in heaven is watching over you and it shall be well. The Bible says Tell the righteous it shall be well with them, ( it may not be well now, but it shall be well) I am not there yet, but I know, It shall be well, in due time. In the meantime, You are not alone.Hugs.