The Shirt He Never Wore

Today marks exactly 2 months since dad rested. I had never  for a second imagined that one day I would wake up with a father on earth and go to bed, the same day, with the father in heaven. Like how can that happen? Anyway c'est  la vie.

Whenever I visited a new place, I loved to get either a shirt or pairs of shoes for dad. On 12th July, my birthday, I  visited a textile factory and I saw this beautiful "uhuru" shirt which I thought would look so good on dad. As was the norm, I got one for him.  I had intentions to travel home on 26th August so I thought,  maybe I should deliver it personally.  Then, on 25th August Boom! I get the shocking news that dad is gone. Gone gone,  never  to return. 

My siblings were gracious enough to allow for dad to be buried in that shirt. However, in the days leading to the burial, as I stared at the shirt, I wished dad had gotten to wear that shirt  because in heaven they don't wear shirts. Don't ask me what they wear. It pained me so much (it still does) that I delayed to deliver the shirt to him before his resting. I still imagine how good he would have looked in that pattern.

The Bible records in Psalm 90:12, David asks God  "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom". In the recent days as I have meditated on this verse, I have found myself  adding, " Lord teach me to number my days, and those of my loved ones, because I do not know how much time any of us have".

Truth is, earth is not our home we are just passers-by,  or sojourners  as some like to say it. Some will sojourn for longer than others. Death is a cruel monster who knows no courtesy. Tomorrow is not promised for you or any of your loved ones. The least  you  can do is to live well with people or as the famous quote says' Do the good you can for all the people you can, as long as you can.

One thing I find most comforting as I mourn dad, is he lived his life to the full. He touched every life he could, and to him it mattered not the age, gender or societal status.  It gave him so much fulfilment to see others happy and to help wherever and whenever he could. 

Last weekend as I attended another burial, the same message was preached. Sometimes we buy flowers, shirts and drive the dead in big expensive cars, gifts, and accolades  they never got to enjoy while they lived, just to soothe the conscience. The preacher emphasized the need to "Buy flowers, and gifts for the living, tell all the nice things to the living instead of writing them in the eulogy"

I didn't mean to make you sad, I just thought you could live your best life now and that today sounds like a good day to express your appreciation to your family and friends. We are on borrowed time. Tomorrow may be too late, just maybe.

Alone But Not Alone_ Reflections from Grief

After a long hiatus of 'running out of ink', today I decided to pick up my pen and test if it still writes after my "Inkdrops of Hope" book.  Well, not quite, I just thought dad would be happy to see me writing again. So here goes my attempt to make daddy in heaven proud while he watches and cheers on.

It is exactly 52 days since daddy rested abruptly and God knows how tough this season has been. I have daily wished I would wake up and find that it was just a dream that ends. Some days good as I remember the many lives he touched and shaped. Some days sad as I remember that I am alone facing this difficult, tough and unforgiving world. As I watched daddy go down the grave, I felt like I was on my own. "Me against the world" almost literally.

Reality dawned when everyone left the burial and went back to their respective homes. Silence engulfed our home and the birds also seemed to have gone on a break from chirping.

The weeks that followed the burial were an unwelcome reminder.  I realized we are cultured to avoid the grieving for fear that they may cry and we will not be sure what to do with them. With  time, I have learnt to perfect the art of putting myself together until I can get to the next available washroom where I can cry without making people around uncomfortable. It has worked well. But a shoulder to lean on is definitely better than a toilet seat. Well, I have had some shoulders and I am grateful for them, but probably we can do better at supporting the grieving. Not by avoiding them but by being closer, because grief is not contagious. Words may lack but sometimes presence is sufficient.

Grief has taught me that I have a father in heaven, who is actually my father's father. This has been the most comforting reality. A reminder from above that though alone, I am not alone. I have a  Father who art in heaven. I am slowly learning to ask God directly, the things that I would have asked dad. 

To anyone going through grief, I pray you find the comfort in knowing that though separated from your loved one physically, you are not on your own. Your Father in heaven is watching over you and it shall be well. The Bible says Tell the righteous it shall be well with them, ( it may not be well now, but it shall be well) I am not there yet, but I know, It shall be well, in due time. In the meantime, You are not alone.Hugs.

I AM WITH YOU

Covid-19 continues  to bite us hard as a country. For the last few months  we have been hoping  for the best  while  expecting the worst, as the cases continue to soar. For most, life has taken a turn never imagined leading to a lot of distress 

Over these covid months, there are two scriptures that have really been ringing on my mind John 16:33 which says

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]

In Isaiah 43: 2 God says 

But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43:1‭-‬2 NIV

When i translate  these verses into loose Swahili, its even clearer to me"Kwa hii dunia mtakua na mashida mingi, mtapita kwa moto na mito, but nikona nyinyi"

God does not deny the existence of pain, distress and tribulation  in this world. But He promises  to walk with us through  it all.

 

In this Covid season it is easy to despair and feel like we are alone; but I would like to encourage  you that God is with us, and He will see us through  to the end. Times  are tough,  but our God is tougher 

TILL YOU SPOT THE CLOUD

Last night, in one of my random conversations with a close friend, I grumbled of a prayer that I have been hoping that God would have answered by now. On and on I expressed my broken expectation as I tried to dissect why that prayer was yet to be answered.

In his usual calm and sober manner, the friend reminded me of the story of Elijah and his servant. Immediately after proving to the Baal prophets that there is only one true God, Elijah goes on to pray for rain. One would expect that after such a powerful showdown with the Baal prophets, Elijah's prayer for rain would be answered immediately. However, Scripture records that the sign of rain did not come immediately. Elijah bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees. After each prayer, his servant would go and to look toward the sea for a sign of rain..

The trend continued. he prays, his servant goes to look towards the sea. Six times, there was no sign. He continued in prayer.
On the 7th trip to look toward the sea, the servant came back with a good report : at last, "A cloud as small as a man's hand is risibgbfrok the sea"

At the end of the conversation the friend said to me, "Do not be discouraged, what you are praying for is in God's will and He will answer it. What we don't know is "When".
This is my encouragement to you as well. It is human to feel discouraged, but just because the cloud did not appear during the first round of prayer doesn't mean it won't be answered. Pray until your cloud appears

THE MUSIC FADED

I love Sundays. I find them great days to refresh and rejuvenate physically and spiritually, before getting into another week. Going to church helps me to re-energize. It offers me a time to fellowship with other believers, which I really cherish.

With the current situation, It is now five weeks since we attended church as we know it. Like so many other things,  it had never occurred to us that going to church was actually a great privilege. Same way, going to work, to market places, to farms, to hotels were just normal things.

This last week I was pondering over the story behind the  Song The Heart of Worship by Matt Redman. It was written in the 1990s when believers in that church had become so apathetic and accustomed to instruments of worship that they were no longer truly worshiping. They went to church, but majorly for the good nice,music. The song was written as a wake-up call to the believers to go back to a Heart of Worship, when its purely about Jesus.

As I look at the turn of events due to Corona, I am beginning to think that for believers, it is yet another opportunity to go back to true worship. We have enjoyed the warmth of fellowship so much, but this is the time to go home and worship together as a family. It is the time to say that though the music has faded (or Reggae has stopped as some like to say) and church buildings have been closed, our bodies will now be the temples of the Holy Spirit as the Scripture exhorts us. Even with the buildings closed, remember that God is answering the prayers that His faithfuls are making from their homes.

I pray that this season will be a time that we can seek the Lord earnestly, individually and as families. That when the church buildings reopen, the fellowship will be even stronger because individually, we will all have been strengthened.I pray that the fire at the family altars shall be rekindled never to be put out again. That a revival shall happen right at the family

DON'T WAIT YOUR LIFE AWAY

The trending idiom in Kenya, and probably across the world is “When Corona Ends...” We are really looking forward to the end of COVID-19 pandemic and to the return of the normal life as we know it. 

Recently, in my random thinking, I remembered the story of a young boy who was gifted a magic wand by his grandma. This wand allowed him to skip the unpleasant things that he did not want in life. For instance, if he was in class and the teacher was boring he would pull the wand and the class would end. If he was in high school and didn’t like the food served or probably the preps, he could pull the wand and he would be done with high school. The boy pulled and pulled the wand and soon enough, his life was over.

As I sit here, equally waiting for the corona to pass, I just caught myself thinking, is it possible that I am waiting my life away? Could it be that I am longing for life to go back to normal yet life is what is currently happening? Am I so used to running the rat race that a little stop feels like the end of the world? Am I unconsciously hoping I had the boy’s wand?

The preacher says there is a time for everything. One of my cousins rightfully reminded me that this is the time for corona. The corona will pass, soon enough. As we look forward to its passing, we cannot afford to sit back, murmur and grumble about this and that. I believe that this is the time to listen to what this break has to tell us. 

A friend shared this with me:

This is a unique chance we have to determine how we will run after the pandemic. This is the time to fix the things in our lives that need fixing. Be it our families, our relationships, our houses, our spiritual lives. This is the time to refocus and strategize on what is truly worth chasing and what to drop when the storm is ever. Truth is, we cannot afford to wait our lives away waiting for the storm to pass. It is time to learn to dance in the rain while picking the lessons that the season has offer.

It is my sincere hope that we will not regret having wasted a season while waiting for another. Keep safe. Wash your hands and sanitize, but don’t wait your life away. Right this moment, life is happening.

THE VERY SAME GOD

How many battles have you ever fought? Or to ask it better, how many battles has the Lord fought for you? Can you even recall? Can you even count them? Or like David in Psalms 40:5, can you confidently say:

Many, Lord my God,are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us.None can compare with you;were I to speak and tell of your deeds,they would be too many to declare

As the COVID-19 rages on, I would encourage you to take a moment and remember the many times that you felt were the end of you, but God came through for you. Think of the many times that you were ill, when you lacked, when you needed wisdom to handle a situation. The times you were between a rock and a hard place and you felt like you had come to the end of the road. Fast forward, you are here today, alive and well.

With the daily updates, it is easy to get into a state of hopelessness and despair. It is normal to feel like it is all gloomy and like the sun might never shine again. Amidst all that is happening, remember that the Lord who fought for you before and who preserved the nation before is the very same God that we serve. He has not changed and He promised He will never change. His hand is no less powerful now than it was then. The very same God who fought for the Israelites is the very same one who is handling the corona situation right now.

Many storms have come and have passed. Corona has come and it too shall pass. I hear a victory song from a distance. We will emerge with victory songs that, if the Lord had not been by our side, the enemy would have destroyed us. Because God will preserve us, we shall tell the generations to come of His faithfulness. We shall tell them that we stayed home, washed our hands and sanitized. Most of all we shall tell them we put our trust in Him and He came through for us; because indeed He will come through for us.
Oh I cannot wait to sit at the fireplace with my children as I narrate to them of what the Lord did in 2020.